That Strange Feeling of No Longer Recognising Yourself
Some women describe a feeling that is difficult to put into words. Something diffuse, almost subterranean, that does not necessarily resemble depression in the traditional sense, but rather a deep inner disconnection. As though an old way of being in the world were gradually ceasing to function.
They speak of an unfamiliar exhaustion, sometimes profound, that does not truly disappear with rest. A new hypersensitivity. Irritability they do not fully understand themselves, or conversely a strange emotional numbness. Some feel an almost physical need for solitude. Others realise they can no longer tolerate certain environments, obligations or rhythms they had endured for years.
There can also be a loss of interest in what once structured everyday life. Work, relationships, projects, family roles or social expectations suddenly seem to require a disproportionate amount of energy. As though something inside no longer agrees to continue “as before”.
And often, beneath this unsettling feeling, the same sentence returns:
“I no longer recognise myself.”
Menopause can sometimes provoke exactly this. Not only physical and hormonal changes, but a much broader transformation that touches identity itself.
Menopause Does Not Affect Only the Body
In collective discourse, menopause is still largely approached through a biological lens. We speak about hormones, hot flushes, disrupted sleep, weight changes or shifts in the menstrual cycle. Of course, the body is undergoing a real and profound transition. But reducing this period to a purely hormonal issue often overlooks what many women are experiencing internally.
Because menopause also affects one’s relationship to time, desire, femininity, social visibility and sometimes even the feeling of existing within the gaze of others. It can unsettle psychic structures that may have been in place for decades.
Many women suddenly realise how much of their lives has been shaped by constant adaptation. They have carried, supported, organised, absorbed and anticipated. They have fulfilled their roles as mothers, partners and professionals, often with tremendous endurance. But what once felt manageable suddenly becomes deeply exhausting. I explore these mechanisms of hyperadaptation, self-erasure and inner exile more deeply in this article on repressed emotions and adaptation mechanisms.
It is as though the body, emotions and psyche gradually stop collaborating with certain forms of overadaptation.
What could once be compensated for no longer can. Certain inner strategies become too costly. The need to appear composed, remain available, meet expectations or maintain a stable image of oneself may begin to crack.
And this fracture can feel profoundly destabilising, because it does not concern physical energy alone. It also touches the very way a woman has built herself over time.
When the Old Identity Becomes Too Narrow
For many women, midlife acts as a revelation. Not because it artificially creates an identity crisis, but because it becomes increasingly difficult to continue living against oneself.
Some realise they have spent much of their lives responding to the needs of others before their own. Others discover that they built their sense of worth around performance, usefulness, availability or external validation. There can also be a deep exhaustion linked to constantly trying to be “the right person”: the good mother, the supportive partner, the reliable professional, the pleasant woman who never causes discomfort.
For a long time, these ways of functioning may have helped them survive. They may even have been socially rewarded. But menopause sometimes seems to dismantle certain psychological compensations, as though a deeper part of the self were no longer willing to disappear.
It is often during this period that long-contained emotions begin to surface. An old anger. A silent weariness. A feeling of having lived at a distance from oneself. Some women describe an almost visceral need for authenticity, even when they cannot yet fully define what that means.
This need can provoke major upheavals. Professional, relational or existential questioning. Not necessarily out of impulsiveness, but because it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain forms of life that have become psychologically too narrow.
Menopause can then act as a period of profound inner transformation, during which an old identity slowly begins to dissolve.
Why This Period Can Feel Like an Existential Crisis
At times, this transformation is experienced as a genuine loss of bearings. Some women describe feelings of emptiness, slowing down or inner strangeness. What once gave meaning no longer functions in the same way. Former motivations seem to fade, without any clear new direction appearing yet. This impression that “an old way of living no longer works” echoes what I explore in this article about difficult life periods and deep transitions.
This phase can feel especially unsettling in a society that values performance, productivity and permanent self-control. Menopause often confronts women with the exact opposite: a form of slowing down, inwardness and sometimes even psychological stripping away.
Some women feel as though they are undergoing a kind of symbolic death. Not a literal disappearance, but the sense that a former version of themselves is coming to an end. And this experience can feel vertiginous, especially when it is neither recognised nor supported.
There can be grief in this passage. Disorientation too. Sometimes a diffuse fear of no longer knowing who one is. Because when identity has been built around roles, productivity, caregiving or the capacity to endure at all costs, it can feel profoundly destabilising to sense those inner structures beginning to tremble.
And yet, beneath this apparent disorganisation, something else may be trying to emerge. A truer way of inhabiting one’s life. A different relationship to the body, time, desire, limits or inner truth.
It does not always resemble a luminous rebirth. More often, it begins with a temporary loss of meaning.
A Passage Rather Than a Dysfunction
In a culture that seeks to correct discomfort as quickly as possible, it can be tempting to view this period solely as a problem to solve. Yet some human experiences cannot be immediately “fixed” because they belong less to dysfunction than to transition.
Menopause may sometimes belong to that category.
It disrupts old equilibria, reactivates long-avoided questions and confronts us with what can no longer be artificially maintained. There is often something deeply uncomfortable about this process because it involves a form of stripping away. Certain illusions collapse. Certain adaptations stop functioning. Certain relationships become impossible to continue in the same way.
And yet this stripping away can also open another relationship to oneself.
Perhaps slower. More nuanced. Less centred on image or external approval. Some women gradually discover a more direct voice, a different relationship to their needs, a new capacity to establish boundaries or to recognise what they are no longer willing to sacrifice within themselves.
This transformation is neither linear nor romantic. It can be long, confusing and painful at times. There may be contradictions, setbacks and moments of profound doubt. Yet some women also experience the quiet feeling that, in the midst of this loss of bearings, something more essential is trying to take shape.
Meeting the Woman You Are Becoming
Menopause can disrupt far more than the body. It may touch identity, psychological foundations, old adaptations and the very way a person inhabits her life.
What if this period is not asking you to become who you once were again?
What if it is asking you instead to meet the woman you are becoming, even when that encounter first passes through disorientation, exhaustion or profound inner transformation?
Some passages in life do not take us backwards.
They ask us to move forward differently.
If these questions resonate deeply with you, it is also possible to explore these inner dynamics through a natal chart reading approached from a psychological and symbolic perspective, centred on periods of transition and inner transformation.